vanillish:

coming out to my parents as a cheetah girl

(via nuncrustable)

  • operator: 911, please hold.
  • me: stop murdering me for a sec; we're on hold.
  • murderer: ok

netlfix:

no matter what you’re good at there will be a 7 year old chinese kid who’s better

(Source: netlfix, via moistbottom)

liquatic:

Me to the person cutting my hair

(Source: gherkind, via gnarly)

fandom-slayer:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

did you hear about the italian chef who died?

he pasta way

he just ran out of thyme

here today, gone tomato

his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it

we never sausage a tragedy coming

ashes to ashes, crust to crust

there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world

DONT

(Source: sofunnyimcryan, via supernaturalhunter101)